Esteemed scholar and cultural critic Lucy Sante, known for her literary accomplishments and photography, has opened up about her gender transition in her memoir. In her book, she recounts the moments leading up to her realization, reflecting on various clues and experiences that ultimately led her to understand her true identity.
Among the significant moments that Sante recalls is the relocation of her beloved stuffed animals, which she never displayed before, from the attic to her dresser. She also mentions playing a character in a student movie that she identified with deeply. Additionally, she found solace in a streaming series featuring a girl chess master, relating to the character's flaws and wishing to be her.
Sante addresses the question of whether the pandemic and lockdown played a role in her self-discovery. Though initially unsure, she acknowledges the possibility that feeling comfortable in her life may have contributed to her egg "cracking." She describes the joyful year she spent with her partner, Mimi, cocooning at home, gardening, adopting a puppy, and enjoying each other's company.
As Sante embarked on her gender transition, she experienced a profound and complete metamorphosis. She dismantled the denial that had suppressed her true identity, claiming her newfound confidence and freedom. She reflects on the various ways gender dysphoria had affected her life, from small discomforts to more significant challenges.
Sante delves into the complex emotions she felt as she navigated a society that constantly scrutinized her. From childhood, she was always conscious of being watched and judged by others, resulting in a constant state of self-policing. The burden of her secret created a barrier between her and those around her, preventing her from fully expressing her emotions and seeking help when needed.
The journey of transitioning offered Sante a new perspective on herself and her past. It allowed her to understand how her upbringing, immigrant status, and her hidden identity had influenced her life. The weight of her secret was lifted, and for the first time, she felt a sense of ownership over her body and a liberation from self-doubt.
With her newfound confidence, Sante felt the need to share her truth with others. She reveled in being seen and sought opportunities to assert her identity. However, she remained cautious in certain settings that could potentially be hostile territory, such as the supermarket or public spaces. She had the support of a network of friends and allies who embraced her transition.
Sante acknowledges the need for affirmation throughout her journey, both from herself and others. She sought validation in her reflection and through the reactions of people around her. While some individuals provided invaluable support and understanding, others offered misguided suggestions or questioned her choices.
In her memoir, Sante eloquently captures her transformative experience, shedding light on the complexities of gender identity and the power of self-acceptance. Her story serves as an inspiration to others and provokes a deeper understanding of the diverse journeys individuals embark on to find their authentic selves.
